I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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