Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
