it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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