i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Randomize
