How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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