I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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