he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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