i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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