Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
