Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
