its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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