It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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