I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
