Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
