Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i've created a new STD.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
