I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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