Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
