Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
