I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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