I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You can't just leave with hair like that
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
