There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
