i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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