HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
