New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
