you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
