yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
ttyl tear gas
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
