:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
