Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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