If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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