Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
