Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
