So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
