$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize