Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
what day is it and did you see me today?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
