i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
MIDGETS
????
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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