Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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