Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
