She said her name was "party"
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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