Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
