News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
well, you know. whores of a feather.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
