You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
