It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
