No, drunk sperm still make babies.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
