Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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