I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
