4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
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