I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Alive.
So much puke
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
