just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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