so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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