i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
