Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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