You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
