woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
