after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
