Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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