Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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