He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
